As National Grief Awareness Day approaches on Aug. 30, trauma expert Judith A. Swack, Ph.D., is shedding light on why some individuals remain trapped in grief long after a loss. Her new book, "Clear Trauma Now: The Powerful Solution for Getting Unstuck," recently won the 2026 Silver Medal for Grief Books from the Coalition of Visionary Resources (COVR), underscoring the significance of her insights.
Dr. Swack explains that unresolved trauma can keep people stuck in grief, making it difficult to access joyful memories of the person they lost. Instead, every reminder of their loved one can automatically trigger the pain of the moment they died or left. This happens because during a traumatic loss, the body's fight-flight-freeze response becomes conditioned to remember and react to anything that occurred at that time, causing people to repeatedly relive the shock of what happened.
Healing begins by calming this trauma response so the nervous system no longer reacts as though the loss is happening in the present. Dr. Swack shares five first steps toward healing.
First, she advises separating the trauma from the person you loved. Many grieving people believe that if they let go of the trauma, they'll lose their connection to the person they lost. Dr. Swack says the opposite is true. Trauma can become fused with the memory of a loved one, so every remembrance triggers pain instead of love. Healing the trauma allows positive memories and gratitude to return without letting go of the relationship.
Second, she encourages identifying the "hidden layers" beneath your grief. Grief rarely consists of sadness alone. According to Dr. Swack's research, loss trauma often includes shock, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, shame, and feelings of helplessness.
Third, she suggests listening for limiting beliefs that loss may have created. Traumatic loss often leaves behind unconscious conclusions such as "It's my fault," "People always leave me," "I can't trust anyone," "Who will take care of me?" or "I'm powerless." These beliefs can impact relationships, work, and self-confidence long after the loss, but being aware of them is an important step toward healing.
Fourth, she recommends paying attention to the feeling of emptiness. One hallmark of unresolved loss trauma is a deep sense of emptiness or a "hole" in the chest or stomach. Dr. Swack says people often try to fill this void through work, food, relationships, or other compulsive behaviors. Recognizing that the emptiness is part of the trauma response can help people seek healthier ways to heal.
Finally, she emphasizes that healing trauma is not about forgetting someone or "moving on." One of the biggest barriers to recovery is the fear that healing means leaving a loved one behind, yet resolving the trauma surrounding a loss doesn't erase the relationship. Instead, it allows people to stop reliving the worst moment of their lives and begin remembering the love, joy, and meaning that came before the loss.
"Healing trauma at all levels allows people to easily recall special memories of loving connection and appreciate the ways in which their lives were enriched by having known that person," she says.
Dr. Swack will present a "Clear Trauma Now Live Healing" webinar on Thursday evenings in September: Sept. 3 from 7 to 9 p.m. and Sept. 10, 17, and 24 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. EDT. Experience trauma healing in real time — and learn how to do it yourself. Visit hblu.org/live-healing-experience for details.
